It’s Not the Method: It’s the Mirror
The Day Mr. Ponycakes Stopped Me in My Tracks
There he stood.
Staring at me.
Ears perked.
Blinking.
Not moving.
I was running around the arena.
Raising my energy.
Smacking the whip on the ground.
Nothing.
The “natural horsemanship” video made it look so easy.
Follow the steps.
Use the technique.
Get the result.
Except… that didn’t happen.
Mr. Ponycakes, aka Sławny — my sweet, stubborn, soul-searching pony — took maybe three steps on the lunge line. Then turned. Locked eyes with me. And froze.
And in that stillness, I felt everything: frustration, embarrassment, self-doubt.
I remember thinking, Is he laughing at me?
But deep down, I knew that was my projection.
What he was really saying was, You don’t need to do so much.
The Hidden Lesson Behind the Frustration
At the time, I couldn’t hear that message.
My self-worth was tied to whether I could “do it right.”
If I couldn’t get him to move using these “simple” Parelli techniques, I thought it meant I wasn’t good enough.
And because I couldn’t tolerate that feeling, I pushed harder.
But he didn’t need me to push harder.
He needed me to listen.
To soften.
To drop the agenda and meet him where he was.
That day ended in tears for me — but also in a painting that channeled all of the emotion I couldn’t process in the moment. Anger. Frustration. All into a painting of a horse laughing. Short choppy strokes, paint splattered. It ended with me laughing the pain away. I was free.
And that painting full of healing and symbolism sold to Australia.
It even became the logo for a coffee brand!
Looking back, I can see it so clearly: he was giving me the medicine I didn’t know I needed.
Why the Method Isn’t the Magic
This is where so many riders get stuck.
We think the method is the magic.
That if we just follow the steps, we’ll get the results.
But horses don’t respond to a checklist.
They respond to a feeling.
Your horse is reading:
Your energy
Your emotional regulation
Your ability to listen as much as you ask
Yes, training matters.
Positive reinforcement, timing, release — all of that shapes behavior.
But it’s not the whole picture.
Some horses will handle pressure just fine today.
Others won’t.
And that has everything to do with their history, emotional resilience, and the trust you’ve built over time.
When a horse trusts you deeply — when they’re confident in themselves and in you — they can handle more without losing that sense of safety. They might even start to enjoy the challenge. But that comes from the relationship, not just the method.
Horses as Mirrors: The Psychology Behind It
Carl Jung famously said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
Horses are experts at making the unconscious conscious.
They pick up on subtle shifts in your body language, breathing, tone, and energy — often before you’re even aware of them yourself.
Joe Dispenza explains that our emotional state produces a chemical signature in the body, one that others can feel. Your horse can sense whether you’re calm, anxious, frustrated, or joyful — and they respond to that long before you pick up the lead rope.
That means every “behavior problem” could also be an invitation to look inward:
Is your horse’s resistance reflecting your own tension?
Is their shutdown mirroring your avoidance of discomfort?
Is their playfulness reminding you to bring more lightness into your own life?
The Real Work
The real work is not memorizing the next step in a method.
It’s learning to notice the emotional patterns that surface around your horse.
It’s asking, What is this moment showing me about myself?
And then being brave enough to respond differently.
📖 The Invitation
🎓 If you’re ready to go beyond the surface…
If you want to see how your horse can become your mirror for deeper self-awareness and transformation…
Join the webinar: Your Horse, Your Mirror
📆 August 23 at 8PM CET
🎟️ Save your spot now
It’s not just about getting your horse to “do the thing.”
It’s about learning what they’ve been trying to tell you all along.
