The Night Brylant Saved My Life: When a Horse Mirrors Your Will to Live
The Night Brylant Saved My Life: When a Horse Mirrors Your Will to Live
The Plan
People told me my stallion, Brylant, would kill me.
That my “soft” methods were dangerous.
One night, at my lowest, I decided they might be right.
I was done.
Depression had drained me. The fight felt pointless.
I walked into his pasture at 2 a.m. with the intention to let him end it.
The Moment That Changed Everything
I curled up in fetal position on the side of a mound of dirt, under the moon.
I waited.
Brylant stomped up to me, snorting like a dragon.
I braced for the impact. For the hooves. For the end.
Instead, he stood over me. Breathing. Snorting. Licking my leg where I had stabbed myself.
For two hours, he didn’t move.
He kept breathing loudly.
He kept licking my wound.
His breath anchored mine until I could stop shaking.
He didn’t give me the death I thought I wanted.
He gave me the life I didn’t think I could handle.
The Psychology of the Mirror
Freud might have called this a confrontation with the death drive — that pull towards self-destruction when life feels unbearable.
Brylant reflected back my survival instinct, the part of me buried under despair.
From a nervous system perspective, his rhythmic breathing likely triggered my parasympathetic system — the “rest and heal” state.
It was co-regulation in its purest form.
Horses live in the present. They hold space for what is.
And sometimes, that’s all we need to remember we want to stay.
Practical Tips for Noticing Life-Affirming Reflections
Spend Unstructured Time with Your Horse – No agenda. Just be together and notice what shifts.
Match Your Breath to Theirs – This can regulate your own nervous system and deepen trust.
Accept Their “No” as a Message – Resistance can be an invitation to address your state of being.
Journaling Questions
What am I avoiding feeling right now?
When have I been surprised by my own resilience?
What part of me is my horse trying to keep alive?
